Executive coaches Tracy Pruzan-Roy ’92 and David Polmer ’94 redefine leadership for a new generation.

Leadership is not about having all the answers; it is about knowing your values, knowing your team, and knowing the right questions to ask. That was the theme of the School’s latest Conversation with Friends event, which featured executive leadership coaches Tracy Pruzan-Roy ’92 and David Polmer ’94 in a discussion moderated by Sidwell Friends School Trustee Belinda Nixon P ’17, ’23, the vice president, general counsel, and corporate secretary for Internet2. 

The first topic the pair of coaches tackled was to dismantle an outdated notion of leadership. Forget the taskmaster, the professional micro-manager, and the top-down institutionalist. Leadership today means having a vision, working toward something greater than yourself, maintaining integrity, and empowering your team. “We’re in a moment of generational shift in leadership,” Polmer said. “Young people want something different, a new type of leadership. They want a new leader for a new day.”

What drives these new leaders is not money or the next promotion but their beliefs and values—that is, their authenticity. In fact, leadership is about who you are regardless of your age or title. If that sounds a lot like the ethical leadership taught at Sidwell Friends, it is no coincidence. “Sidwell makes everyone a leader,” said Polmer. “My practices, beliefs, and values were learned at Sidwell and informed my approach in working with leaders who want to grow.” Pruzan-Roy made a connection between leadership and the self-reflection of a Quaker Meeting. “We have to be quiet within ourselves to hear the needs of the group,” she said. “All voices are respected and heard at Meeting for Worship. And leaders should want all voices to be heard, because great ideas come from everywhere.”

A lot of people see leadership as something practiced in a specific context—a leader in business or politics. “But leadership exists in all contexts,” said Polmer. “You’re a leader because of who you are all the time, with your family, your friends, your colleagues, everyone. You’re defining leadership through your actions every day.” It’s like the old C.S. Lewis adage: “Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching.”

Pruzan-Roy called herself a recovering “people pleaser.” “As an emerging leader, I thought I had to have all the answers,” she said. “I had a really hard time saying, ‘I don’t know,’ or asking for help.” The idea that asking for help is a weakness was something she said she had to learn to grow out of. She is also in recovery from “imposter syndrome,” the feeling that you are in your position by mistake, that soon your colleagues will discover you aren’t up to the task. For Pruzan-Roy, that led to a fear of speaking up at meetings, a fear that her promotions were undeserved, and a fear that she didn’t belong.

Now Pruzan-Roy silences that inner critic by interrogating that feeling and gathering evidence to prove it wrong. For Polmer, who also once feared being judged, authenticity is the antidote. “If you’re grounded in your purpose,” he said, “fear goes out the window.”

When asked what each would tell the next generation of Sidwell Friends students, Pruzan-Roy emphasized the multitude of trajectories to success. “Fulfillment can be achieved in many different ways,” she said. “It doesn’t have to look a certain way.” Fulfillment isn’t about the right school, the right career path, or the right title. “Know yourself and understand your core values,” added Polmer. “Those values are going to shape the way you become a leader, because leadership comes from the inside out.”

---

This Conversation with Friends is part of a larger series on leadership. Next, Pruzan-Roy and Polmer, in collaboration with the School’s Regional Alumni Clubs, will host three in-person cohorts in October in Washington, New York, and Chicago. To learn more about these events or to watch the full Conversation with Friends, go to sidwell.edu/conversationwithfriends.